In which Ainsley Harriott grows an elephant's trunk

It was the first day in our new office today. There are bits of wire still coming out of the wall and I can’t fathom out how the taps in the bathroom work (though to be fair, those are still the case in my flat and I’ve been there eight months). But there are phones, computers, and comfy seats that aren’t that comfy so you don’t stay in them too long, so we’re ready for action.

We had a holy man come in to perform a puja. Ganesha was honoured, and there was a colourful offering featuring a pomegranate, a coconut, an apple and an onion. That would be a nightmare on Ready, Steady, Cook, but it’s a dream for the gods and it keeps you in their good books.

Then there was a Catholic prayer, a Muslim recitation, a sprinkling of Zoroastrianism, and an arch raised-eyebrow for the English atheist in the corner. All the gods were happy, even the ones who don't exist.