And so, the end is near

Tomorrow morning at about 4am, a taxi will leave the Hotel Outram in central Mumbai and head for the airport. It's going to be a bit of a wrench to leave, but she who pays the piper calls the tune, and I have to be at work on Friday morning.

So to finish off (and with not a word about our glorious Test victory (or, more accurately, India's capitulation)) here are some things, in no particular order, that I didn't know 16 days ago:


Everyone in India is just really lovely
Why can't people in the West be so friendly? Would it really hurt to talk to a stranger occasionally?

Crossing the road really shouldn't be this difficult
I've got into the habit, whenever approaching a road, of trying to work out whether I might have sinned in a previous life, as this would appear to be the key determining factor in whether you live or die. Instant karma is, indeed, gonna get you.

"Our neighbours shake their heads
And take their valuables inside
While my countrymen piss in their fountains
To express our national pride"
There was a time, only 10-15 years ago, when cheering on England abroad meant drunkenness, racism and violence. The self-styled Barmy Army have changed all that: voluble in support but respectful towards the opposition, courteous to their hosts and open-minded about their countries, they're a group you're proud to join. This morning's Mumbai paper had a big photo of three English women, cheering a boundary - and dressed in saris. Fantastic.

It's disturbing how quickly you find yourself getting used to extreme poverty
Because you shouldn't really. It's only the norm because the human race has failed so pathetically to organise itself in a way that doesn't condemn hundreds of millions to misery.

Beautiful sun-kissed palm tree-strewn beaches are very nice for a few hours
Then they get a bit boring. And no, I do not want a fucking sarong.

Nobody outside Europe understands cheese
Sure, they have cheese, but they don't really understand it, not conceptually, not philosophically. Perhaps it's a post-Enlightenment thing, but then the rest of the world seems pretty civilised in every other respect. They just don't appreciate the importance of good cheese.

In fifty years' time, India will be the world's leading country
The sheer vibrancy of this place convinces you that it's preparing to take the world by storm. They combine immense charm with the sort of work-ethic that makes me rather ashamed of my dedication to my timesheet. And Mumbai, already India's throbbing heartbeat, will depose both Tokyo and New York to become the world's number one city. Mark my words. You heard it here first.